Wednesday, June 22, 2011

My Doctor Free Week

I have had 2 surgeries since that time I wrote. On the 14th I had a Port-a-Cath put into the right side of my chest. Then on the 15th I had emergency surgery on the left side of my chest. (To try and repair the dying skin and tissue). So last week was pretty rough. I was back to not being able to use my arms at all. So I was once again dependent on someone. But I opted to do it on my own (have had complaints from certain people about having to do too much already). In deciding to do it on my own I busted part of my chest open. So after a week I am still bleeding and very uncomfortable. On to better news.



Libby went to visit her real mother Thursday and came back on Sunday. She has this cute new hair cut and some added color. It's very becoming on her. I have never seen her with very short hair in the past 11 years that she has been with me. She seemed to have a good time with her mom. As far as I know her mom behaved and took care of her. I missed her while she was gone, but she needed a break from caring for me  and being stuck at home.


Sapphire (my oldest daughter) came over Thursday after work and hung out with me until late. The next day she took me and her little sister Tatiana too the pool. We also took my nieces Allie and Emilea with us. The kids seemed to have a good time. It wasn't all that much fun for me. I can't get in the water because of my stitches. Plus there is no way I was putting on a swim suit. I'd horrify everyone. Sapphire came back Monday night because she was off work Tuesday and Wednesday. So all of went swimming again. This time Austin, James and Libby came with us. Everyone had a really good time. (at least that's what they told me...haha).

Austin, Sapphire, Libby

I got extremely pissed last night. Like I told you Sapphire and James (her boyfriend of 4 years) has been here since they got off work Monday night. Red sends me a text from the bedroom saying...That he was tired from doing everything. That all I had to do was sit in the living room and ass kiss. What the fuck hell? I am not ass kissing I am spending time with my kids. I guess he thinks that since she isn't here everyday she shouldn't be here at all. GOT NEWS FOR YA BUDDY IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY!!! I never say anything when his son comes over here. I could act the same way he does but I don't. They are ALL my kids and they are always welcome at my house. I know Sapphire feels unwelcome when she comes over.  They all refuse to come in the living room the whole time she's here. So they have all avoided the living room since Monday night. (Libby has too. But she did go swimming with us yesterday. So I'm not sure why she avoids her when other times she does everything with her.) It hurts my feelings, so I could only imagine how she feels. She isn't blind she can see what they are doing. That's why she didn't come home from James' for so long before. Everyone made her feel unwanted. Everyone looked at her like she was stupid and refused to talk to her. (She has offered plenty of times to come home if I needed her. I figured she should have come because she loved me not because I ask her. But that was because I was hurting and upset. I felt unloved at the time. But I know she would do anything for me at anytime no matter what it was.) Red seems to forget part of the reason we split up for a year. It was how he treated the kids. He didn't treat them with equal respect. I treat all the kids the same. Actually I treat his kids better because I have never disciplined them. I have never even yelled at them. Unlike him. Here is an example of what I mean. When he is home he always stays in the bedroom. His kids can be in there for hours, but as soon as my kids come in there he starts complaining that they don't need to be in there. So it's only my kids that have to leave. I just think it's unfair that is my room too. But then he doesn't understand why I stay in the living room (where normal people hang out during the day). Guess that's enough ranting for one day.

Ok health wise this is where I'm at. I go back on the 28th of June to have the left side rechecked to make sure it's healing properly this time. Then July 5th I start my first round of Chemotherapy. The first 4 rounds with be a combination of 2 drugs Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide. Was told that these are some very powerful drugs with some serious side effects. Here are some of the side effects: Lowered resistance to infection, Bruising or bleeding, Anaemia (low number of red blood cells), Tiredness, Feeling sick (nausea) and being sick (vomiting),  Hair loss, Sore mouth and ulcers, Taste changes,  Skin changes and last but not least Infertility. Boy I sure do have alot to look forward too huh? And just to think this is only the beginning. Hope I make it through ok. 

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